Autism vs. Normalism

Tomorrow I go to work, tomorrow school holidays begin. Today is in some ways my last day of freedom for quite a few weeks.

Before I had my children I would hear mothers groan about the school holidays and my first judgmental thought was - why have kids if you don't want to spend time with them??
What a fricken idiot I was!

Now I actually have children I now realise that you love your children with everything you have. You really can't imagine life without them. You orbit around their every move and they can be the sweetest things you have ever known .. and here it comes .... BUT ...... you can also feel very guilty when they are bored. You would occasionally like to sit down and just have a coffee. Your arms ache from carrying them even thought it took you 9 months to make those chubby little legs, and fair bit of the time it doesn't really enter your children's minds that you too are a person.

I wont go into my son's story at this time, that's a whole other post, and also I didn't want to write a blog solely about him, because really it's about me and possibly my issues. However he has quite high needs, but at the moment so does the toddler who is becoming a monster in her own right. Last school holidays I pretty much carried her around, while I chased her brother. These school holidays I think I might just be trying to chase both of them. My son has autism, my daughter has what I now describe as 'normalism'. Strange sudden behaviours brought on by toddlerhood. Perfectly normal, but occasionally feral.

To end this post I thought I would share a few weird things I have noticed going on around here lately with me.
Firstly - outside the front door I have a ceramic flower pot that used to have a nice plant with red flowers on it - until I killed it with lack of care. Now outside my door I have a huge weed that is THRIVING where my other plant struggled. Each day I look at it and think I should pull it out, it looks like I am growing a weed on purpose. Each day I don't pull it out. I think it, but I don't do it and I end up with an obvious weed that looks like I love it.

Secondly - I have this woman who comes to my door every few weeks - she is a Jehovah. She caught me once when I was feeling too polite and I said 'just leave the pamphlets with me and I'll have a read'. I thought maybe that would be a good way to deal with it - NOT - now she comes every few weeks talks to me about stuff and gives me the books. She is rather nice, and we mostly chat about life in general but then all of a sudden she will throw in something like 'that's why we are looking forward to the day when God takes us' ... my head kind of spins...... Anyhow.. she usually comes on a Thursday every few weeks. Today for some reason, it must be my 6th sense, I was thinking that I hope she doesn't turn up. I also even debated turning on the lights on the Christmas tree in the window - WHY? because I am an idiot. This woman comes to my door and preaches her religion to me, did I invite her? no... do I have the guts to say - look lady I will never join so please leave me alone - no. What I do is feel bad for putting my christmas lights on in case I offend her.
See... this is why I worry about me.