Things have been moving, school holidays have been here and have ended, old friends have appeared and ambitions have been accepted by the universe - kind of.
The reason for really writing today is to acknowledge that which I don't acknowledge outloud.
Today it's been 12 years since my mum passed away. 12 years that have flown by but at the same time have included so much stuff. While part of me recognises that I am well and truly an aging adult, with kids of my own, when it comes to Mum I think I am still that shocked barely 21 year old.
So, the warning to my self and other ladies, don't ignore your body. Especially when you are scared.
I am very much like my mother and go into instant denial when I feel something is wrong with me. You would think I should have learnt my lesson.
Whilst I don't believe I have cancer or anything like that I know that at time when I have worried about anything medically I do tend to deny and ignore. I guess I worry about my strength to cope with illness, fear, bad news, medical procedures .... anything.
The stupid thing is that in the meantime I just worry.
From what I can work out my mother had a lump in her breast for about 6 months. She never got it checked out. She did worry about it. She didn't tell anyone. The cancer spread from her breast to her liver and to her brain and she worried more about things, about symptoms. She still didn't tell anyone and she still didn't get it checked.
One day she got a headache, which was really a brain bleed from her brain cancer. The day this happened she was at work still. With breast, brain and liver cancer.
A week later after doctors scrambling to work out what was going on, she was prounounced brain dead and we had to decide to turn off her life support.
When writing and reading this - the truth about my Mums death sounds so hard and harsh. I am sorry to anyone reading it. I think I am just trying to remind myself that ignoring things wont make them go away - it makes them worse.
So, today being the 13th of July all I want to say is that I miss my Mum. Nothing was ever the same.
I'm sad for her that she never got to meet her grandkids, see her kids grow up, retire, travel as she wished and generally enjoy her life.
Robyn Salt
Green eyes, brown hair, left handed. Collector of owls, lover of rain, reader of murder mysteries.
Black tea - no sugar.
Person with faith, walker of miles, best soup maker in the world, user of black humour
and funny sayings.
Carer, mother, and teacher.
