Going down the drain ....

Ellie has a fear of the drain in the bath.
Today after her bath, I tried to show her what happens when you pull the plug out.
As a test for her I put several little people

and a Barbie in the bath while pulling out the plug as our sacrifice.

So thinking I am mother of the year and have all the solutions to her fears Ellie just looks at me and says
"my toe will get stuck, and it will go away, and wont be part of my body any more".
What can I say to that other than, no it wont?
Finally she ends it with "our bath is very scary".

I'm sure as she grows her fears will change to other things that I in my wisdom will try to conquer but really she will probably just conquer and work these things out on her own, all I can do at the meantime is wrap her in a towel and reassure her she still has 10 toes.

Present

Best Christmas present already arrived today when Bugs woke me up, came out to the Christmas tree and pointed to presents. 1st time ever - he knows - he understands.

Merry Christmas everyone - hope you have a wonderful, wonderful day.

Ouch.

Tonight is Bug's school concert. But I am home. Poor Ellie has been sick for a couple of days and has been throwing up all day ..... so....  what do you do when you are torn?

I love going to the school concert, and have been looking forward to it for weeks. Just sitting there with a smile on your face while your child is up on stage doing their thing. Felt so bad tonight I actually cried.

Ellie obviously couldn't go and throw up between acts and she has been clinging to me like I am her life today - just couldn't leave her at home. I'm also admittedly still feeling paranoid as last time she was sick she had a seizure and I really don't want to go through that again.

So now I sit here, feeling like I've missed out on a moment I shouldn't have and I feel so guilty and sad at the same time. What kind of a parent misses out on their child's school concert?

Big Loch and his mum have gone - so at least he will have a cheering squad and Loch is going to video it for me - so I'll have to watch it with the little guy when he gets home.

My heart broke a little when Bugs was told to hop in the car - and he ask me to put my shoes on: "shoes" and pointed to my feet.

Ouch and sigh.

Ode to Great Step Dads

Bugs has been invited to the Variety Christmas Party today - a party in Melbourne for kids with special needs. Big Lach has the day off, so I am staying home with Ellie and he is taking Bugs down on the train as siblings can't come.

Now, if I'm completely honest here, I'm not sure if I would do it on my own. I would probably take him to the party, but drive down in case he doesn't like it - I guess so we have a quick exit.

Not big Loch - "Bugs loves the train, we'll spend the day in Melbourne".
And .. he's right Bugs does love the train - he loves nothing more than spending a day out of the house experiencing new things.

The morning didn't start off too well with Bugs refusing to get dressed, or even get in the car. We showed him on his speech device what he was doing in the hope he would realise and get dressed.

TODAY           TRAIN            CITY               FUN          

Helped for about the time it took to get 1 sock on.

Anyhow, Big Lach ended up getting in the car and turning it on, while Bugs panicked at the thought of being left at home and got dressed and ran out to the car.

So off they go - into the great unknown for a fun day.

Big Lach amazes me in his faith that it will all be ok. He's so much more willing than I am to take a gamble and his only motive is that he wants Bugs to have a fun day out.

Blessed blessed blessed. That's all I can say. What a lucky kid.

Absent and missing

I haven't written here in so long ......

but feel the blog vibes coming back.

Will post when I get a sec .....................

Open and Closed.

It's been a while since I wrote here. I think I've been partly in some kind of winter hybernation.

Things have been moving, school holidays have been here and have ended, old friends have appeared and ambitions have been accepted by the universe - kind of.

The reason for really writing today is to acknowledge that which I don't acknowledge outloud.

Today it's been 12 years since my mum passed away.  12 years that have flown by but at the same time have included so much stuff. While part of me recognises that I am well and truly an aging adult, with kids of my own, when it comes to Mum I think I am still that shocked barely 21 year old.

So, the warning to my self and other ladies, don't ignore your body. Especially when you are scared.
I am very much like my mother and go into instant denial when I feel something is wrong with me. You would think I should have learnt my lesson.
Whilst I don't believe I have cancer or anything like that I know that at time when I have worried about anything medically I do tend to deny and ignore.  I guess I worry about my strength to cope with illness, fear, bad news, medical procedures .... anything.
The stupid thing is that in the meantime I just worry.

From what I can work out my mother had a lump in her breast for about 6 months. She never got it checked out. She did worry about it. She didn't tell anyone. The cancer spread from her breast to her liver and to her brain and she worried more about things, about symptoms. She still didn't tell anyone and she still didn't get it checked.
One day she got a headache, which was really a brain bleed from her brain cancer. The day this happened she was at work still. With breast, brain and liver cancer.
A week later after doctors scrambling to work out what was going on, she was prounounced brain dead and we had to decide to turn off her life support.

When writing and reading this - the truth about my Mums death sounds so hard and harsh. I am sorry to anyone reading it. I think I am just trying to remind myself that ignoring things wont make them go away - it makes them worse.

So, today being the 13th of July all I want to say is that I miss my Mum. Nothing was ever the same.
I'm sad for her that she never got to meet her grandkids, see her kids grow up,  retire, travel as she wished and generally enjoy her life.

Robyn Salt

Green eyes, brown hair, left handed. Collector of owls, lover of rain, reader of murder mysteries.

Black tea - no sugar.

Person with faith, walker of miles, best soup maker in the world, user of black humour

and funny sayings.

Carer, mother, and teacher.

2

Little Ellie is 2 tomorrow.
I just can't believe it has been two years since she arrived.

It makes me sad, proud and happy all at the same time.

Sad because time is flying....

Proud of what a smart, funny and happy little person she is becoming.

and happy as I just look at her and can't believe I've been blessed so much.

 The other night she gave me a bedtime cuddle and said "Happily Ever After Mum", and I know exactly what she was trying to say to me.

Happily Ever After to my gorgeous daughter. I love you so much.